Mems at 1 year!

On this day 1 year ago, Kyle and I woke up in a teeny tiny room at Texas Childrens Hospital. We were thankful that we were given one of the last rooms available, although it was a handicap accessible room and did not have a sofa to sleep on. We slept sitting up in chairs and my 3 weeks post c-section body was uncomfortable to say the least. I don't think we would have slept much anyway though because we anxiously watch over our sweet, tiny baby Emmy who was very, very sick.

I know I have told this story a 100 times but it is important to write it down, even though it was not the best of times, to remind Emmy what a tough kid she is later in life. Emmy was sick for a few days and then on a mommy instinct inkling, I called the pediatrician just to see her one last day before the holiday. We were seen, Emmy was observed, and then our fantastic pediatrician sat with Kyle and I and, with tears in her eyes because I was way deep into an ugly cry, she explained to us that we needed to take Emmy immediately to TCH.

We quickly drove there and were seen right away due to the fact our doctor had called ahead and also because Emmy was very ill. Looking back I really never realized the danger she could have been in without treatment. RSV is after all just a cold, but very dangerous for babies. As our doctor at TCH later explained to us, a babies lungs are a tiny muscle and can give out like any other muscle after extreme use and Emmy's lungs were definitely working overtime. Her chest rose and fell quickly and and in an overly exaggerated way that let us know she was not getting the oxygen her little body needed.

As we were seen in the small room before being admitted, there were about 5 to 6 doctors with us the entire time. I wept to the point I was not able to answer any questions, and would just look at Kyle every time as his cue to answer them for me. How long had her lips been blue they asked? I really didn't even know. I was a complete mess and was smacked upside the head with how serious it really was. Maybe it was my postpartum fog or maybe it was just denial that she could really be sick but it was a painful realization that left me sick with guilt.

Of course the good new was no pneumonia and that after getting over the virus she would breath better, be better. All she needed was oxygen, but they can't send that home with us and she needed to be monitored so we would remain there until she was better.

So we stayed there for 5 days until you were strong enough to breathe on your own. We took turns going home to shower and sleep and were moved to a more comfortable room with a sofa I could sleep on. We lived amongst many other parents with sick children. Walking the halls there would bring me to tears. Seeing really sick kids being transported around in wagons, watching the moms with NICU babies show up every morning with a bag packed to spend the days with their babies, talking to other parents on our floor, it was just really damn depressing at times. I would just cry at the drop of a hat. I missed Allie and just wanted a normal family day at home with all of us together. I felt like everything was wrong and nothing was in my control. It was a crappy feeling.

But there were good things too. They tried so hard to make your stay there comfortable. The nurses were amazing! I always felt that they really cared about us and wanted to make us feel comfortable. I had the same nurses almost each day and they knew all about us. I felt like they were really invested in us. They knew we had a 2 year old little girl and one of them brought me a necklace and bracelet set for Allie from a cart of toys and kids knicknacks that would make the rounds each day. They would sit and talk to me and always wanted to know my opinion about how things were going. Did I see Emmy improving? Was I clear on everything going on?Was I happy with her treatment? I feel very indebted to TCH and so very grateful for everything they did for Emily. It is an amazing place where miracles happen everyday. They are phenomenal at what they do.

When you were finally healthy enough to go home we felt like we were on cloud nine. It was late in the evening and we were thinking we would be there for at least another night, when you seemed to suddenly be doing so much better on your own. I was so happy to take you back home that night.

This was in the holding area before we were admitted to our own room. You turned a beautiful shade of pink when they got you hooked up to the oxygen and you were immediately more peaceful and fell asleep.

And here you were in your room on the first night. We kept you swaddled tightly and brought blankets from home to make your bed more cozy. You slept so well there. Also because you were very sick though. I had to wake you to feed you because you had so little appetite. I would say you slept for 95% of the time we were there.

And here is my most recent picture I have of you right now taken on Christmas day. You are a beautiful, healthy, happy, active, smart and funny little girl. You are simply amazing. You are a miracle that your daddy and I prayed to have. You are the baby we sat vigil over night after night. It was a hard time but my dear you are worth all that and then some. You changed me for the good in many many ways.

I love you to the moon and back sweet Emily Claire. Now can you pretty please quit biting your sister?